The Pleasure and Pain of Motherhood

Being a Mom is hard work. Especially for Millennial Moms. The other day I was speaking with my friend and the conversation steered towards the challenges moms face today. She said that she always feels an invisible presence judging her every move in Motherhood. From the pressure of balancing child rearing to household responsibilities, to being productive and top of the game at work, and looking perfect, the millennial mom has way too much on her plate. You might be wondering who are these millennials that I am talking about and why is it so tough for them?

Who are Millennials?

Millennials are people representing the generation who were born between 1981-1996. They are all adults now with children of their own. Millennials, during their lives, have undergone major societal transitions. We, millennials, have seen and felt the effect of globalization, stepped into the 21^st century. We have felt the effects of the internet phenomenon, the advent of social media and its pervading effects on our lives. Then came COVID which changed our lives forever.

We are influenced by social media trends which advocate positive parenting, gentle parenting. Moms are expected to look body perfect coming out of the hospital with their new-born. Six months down the line, celebrities regain their pre-pregnancy slim bodies and this is glorified to such an extent that the average woman feels inadequate in her changed body.

Play schools, day care, selection of schools, the expectations of good academic performance that is held of their young children- all these are pressures a mom faces. She also has to juggle her work responsibilities, manage home, relationships and herself. In short, it’s the era of Supermoms. The irony is that in trying to be perfect in every aspect of life, the mothers are losing out on their sense of self.

Psychology of Motherhood

Recent research in the psychology of motherhood validates the issues that moms face today. Motherhood is the most beautiful life transition a woman undergoes in her lifetime. Motherhood impacts her psychological well-being. During pregnancy the sense of well-being is high, post-delivery it drops and in the initial child rearing years it fluctuates. The paradox is that though self-care is advocated to enhance a sense of well-being, self-care is something that mothers have little time for. A recent study has shown that those mothers who practiced self-care in the first year of post child birth and continued to do so, were calmer and were able to handle their responsibilities better in all areas of their life. But mothers themselves have a skewed perception of self-care and neglect it as it clashes with the belief that a mother has to be self-sacrificing, self -effacing and be looking after others’ needs, all 24 hours of a day.

My point here is that we are so caught up in the web of societal expectations and norms of being an “ideal “mother that it becomes difficult for us moms to acknowledge and accept that we feel anxious, overwhelmed, overburdened and depressed by the demands of being a mother. So, to all the moms out there, first of all give yourself a big pat on the back. You are amazing just the way you are, you are doing a great job. It’s ok to be imperfect, you are beautiful no matter your size and it’s ok to ask for help and support.

It’s ok to talk about your problems with a therapist, a counselor, a life coach and seek guidance. Remember that being resilient, emotionally strong, nurturing and caring are already innate traits of your femininity. This Mother’s Day gift yourself the love and care that you shower on others.

Wishing you a very Happy Mother’s Day!

Blog written by Dr Vinaya Prabha and Dr Himani Upadhyaya