At a recent Parent-Teacher Meeting (PTM), I witnessed parents arguing with a teacher about their child’s academic performance. This familiar scene surprised me because the parents refused to acknowledge their child’s faults, even when it was evident to other bystanders.

This wasn’t an isolated incident; I observed similar situations repeatedly at PTMs, whether related to academic performance, social behavior, or interactions with teachers. Conversations with friends who are school teachers confirmed that children today are often more disrespectful, less resilient, and lacking essential life skills.

The Decline in Academic Performance and Social Skills

Apart from neglecting academics, children’s overall performance has declined. While some of this can be attributed to the COVID-19 pandemic, which impacted academic and social skills, it made me wonder: Is there a change in parenting styles leading to these behaviors?

Changing Parenting Styles: From Authoritarian to Permissive

Every generation has its own parenting style, heavily influenced by cultural context. Millennials, who grew up with authoritarian parenting, now raise children in a vastly different environment.

In our childhood, the teacher’s word was law, and parents rarely questioned it. Now, as millennial parents, we adopt a more holistic approach, focusing not just on academics but on overall achievements. We protect our children from obstacles and disappointments, ensuring they have everything they want. However, this raises a critical question:

Where Are We Going Wrong?

Why do our children, as adolescents and adults, still expect us to hold their hands? Why can’t they cope with life’s challenges effectively?

The Answer Lies in Overprotection

By shielding our children from every difficulty, we prevent them from developing a key life skill: RESILIENCE.

The Importance of Resilience

Resilience is the ability to adapt and bounce back from adversity, trauma, or significant sources of stress. It involves maintaining or quickly regaining mental health despite facing difficult circumstances.

From a psychological perspective, resilience includes:

• Emotional Regulation: The ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences in a healthy way.
• Optimism: A positive outlook on life and the belief that challenges can be overcome.
• Self-Efficacy: Confidence in one’s ability to influence events and outcomes in their life.
• Social Support: Having strong, supportive relationships that provide encouragement and assistance during tough times.
• Problem-Solving Skills: The ability to find solutions to difficult or complex issues.

Why Resilience is Essential from Childhood

• Coping with Stress: Children who develop resilience are better equipped to handle the everyday stresses and challenges they encounter, from academic pressures to social dynamics.
• Emotional Well-Being: Resilient children are less likely to develop anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. They are better at managing their emotions and maintaining a positive outlook.
• Academic Success: Resilience contributes to better academic performance as children are more likely to persevere through setbacks and remain motivated.
• Social Skills: Resilient children often have stronger social connections and better relationships with peers and adults. They are more empathetic and cooperative.
• Long-Term Benefits: Building resilience in childhood lays the foundation for a healthy, fulfilling life. Resilient individuals are more likely to thrive in their personal and professional lives as adults.

How to Teach Resilience

• Modeling Positive Behaviors: Parents and caregivers can demonstrate resilience through their actions, showing children how to handle stress constructively.
• Encouraging Problem-Solving: Allowing children to face challenges and find solutions on their own helps build their confidence and problem-solving skills.
• Providing Emotional Support: Being there to support children emotionally, offering comfort and encouragement, helps them feel secure and capable.
• Fostering Independence: Encouraging children to take on responsibilities and make decisions fosters independence and self-efficacy.
• Teaching Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Helping children develop healthy ways to cope with stress, such as through mindfulness, exercise, or creative activities, provides them with tools to manage future challenges.

Conclusion

Millennial parenting, with its emphasis on protection and achievement, needs to balance with teaching resilience. By fostering resilience, we prepare our children to face life’s challenges confidently and independently, ensuring their long-term success and well-being.

Navigating life’s challenges can be daunting, but you don’t have to do it alone. Our professional counseling services provide personalized support tailored to your unique needs. Whether you prefer the focused attention of individual counseling, the shared experiences of group sessions, or the convenience of online counseling, we are here to guide you every step of the way. Let us help you build resilience and find the strength to overcome any obstacle. BOOK NOW!

Blog written by Dr Vinaya Prabha and Dr Himani Upadhyaya

Being a Mom is hard work. Especially for Millennial Moms. The other day I was speaking with my friend and the conversation steered towards the challenges moms face today. She said that she always feels an invisible presence judging her every move in Motherhood. From the pressure of balancing child rearing to household responsibilities, to being productive and top of the game at work, and looking perfect, the millennial mom has way too much on her plate. You might be wondering who are these millennials that I am talking about and why is it so tough for them?

Who are Millennials?

Millennials are people representing the generation who were born between 1981-1996. They are all adults now with children of their own. Millennials, during their lives, have undergone major societal transitions. We, millennials, have seen and felt the effect of globalization, stepped into the 21^st century. We have felt the effects of the internet phenomenon, the advent of social media and its pervading effects on our lives. Then came COVID which changed our lives forever.

We are influenced by social media trends which advocate positive parenting, gentle parenting. Moms are expected to look body perfect coming out of the hospital with their new-born. Six months down the line, celebrities regain their pre-pregnancy slim bodies and this is glorified to such an extent that the average woman feels inadequate in her changed body.

Play schools, day care, selection of schools, the expectations of good academic performance that is held of their young children- all these are pressures a mom faces. She also has to juggle her work responsibilities, manage home, relationships and herself. In short, it’s the era of Supermoms. The irony is that in trying to be perfect in every aspect of life, the mothers are losing out on their sense of self.

Psychology of Motherhood

Recent research in the psychology of motherhood validates the issues that moms face today. Motherhood is the most beautiful life transition a woman undergoes in her lifetime. Motherhood impacts her psychological well-being. During pregnancy the sense of well-being is high, post-delivery it drops and in the initial child rearing years it fluctuates. The paradox is that though self-care is advocated to enhance a sense of well-being, self-care is something that mothers have little time for. A recent study has shown that those mothers who practiced self-care in the first year of post child birth and continued to do so, were calmer and were able to handle their responsibilities better in all areas of their life. But mothers themselves have a skewed perception of self-care and neglect it as it clashes with the belief that a mother has to be self-sacrificing, self -effacing and be looking after others’ needs, all 24 hours of a day.

My point here is that we are so caught up in the web of societal expectations and norms of being an “ideal “mother that it becomes difficult for us moms to acknowledge and accept that we feel anxious, overwhelmed, overburdened and depressed by the demands of being a mother. So, to all the moms out there, first of all give yourself a big pat on the back. You are amazing just the way you are, you are doing a great job. It’s ok to be imperfect, you are beautiful no matter your size and it’s ok to ask for help and support.

It’s ok to talk about your problems with a therapist, a counselor, a life coach and seek guidance. Remember that being resilient, emotionally strong, nurturing and caring are already innate traits of your femininity. This Mother’s Day gift yourself the love and care that you shower on others.

Wishing you a very Happy Mother’s Day!

Blog written by Dr Vinaya Prabha and Dr Himani Upadhyaya

Defense mechanisms are like shields our minds use to protect us from uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, or situations.

Navigating day to day life with its umpteen twists and turns can really take us for a ride. We all use certain crutches to get through these challenges. Not convinced? Let me narrate some situations and see for yourself which ones you can relate to.

A 35-year-old man while he was in his teens, started smoking with his friends. Over the years, he became a heavy smoker. Despite repeated attempts to quit and health warnings he did not stop smoking. He also became angry whenever someone brought up the dangers of smoking. He repressed his feelings about the harmful effects of smoking. He also mocked anti-smoking campaigns and projected his insecurities onto others by believing that they wanted to control his lifestyle.

In another situation a 28-year-old woman, had been smoking since college. Despite knowing the health risks, she rationalized her smoking habit by telling herself, “I only smoke socially. It’s not like I’m a heavy smoker.” She developed health issues due to smoking but denied that smoking was the cause. This allowed her to deny reality and the feeling of guilt towards her health.

The trigger being the same(smoking) both the individuals in the above two situations reacted in a different way.  The coping strategies used by them are known as Defense mechanisms.  First given by Sigmund Freud, Defense mechanisms are like shields our minds use to protect us from uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, or situations.

They operate from the subconscious helping us cope with stress, anxiety, and threats to our self-esteem. That’s why we are not conscious of using these strategies to cope with unpleasant situations.   The Defense mechanisms used by the individuals quoted above are:

Repression: Pushing traumatic memories out of our conscious mind.

Rationalization: Making excuses to protect our self-esteem.

Projection: Blaming others for our own shortcomings.

Denial: Refusing to accept painful realities.

By employing these mechanisms, we can function more effectively in our daily lives, and maintain our mental well-being.

Let’s have a look at how these defense mechanisms operate in our relationships and how they impact them. Here are a few examples:

A husband and wife have been in a relationship for several years. Early in their relationship, the husband cheated on the wife, causing her immense pain. She forgave him, but deep down, she repressed the hurt and betrayal she felt. She avoided thinking about the infidelity and convinced herself that everything was fine in their relationship.

However, whenever similar situations arose, she would experience intense anxiety and distrust without understanding why. Her repressed feelings from the past influenced her present behaviour and strained their relationship without her realizing it.

In another scenario, a couple had been arguing a lot in recent times. The wife felt unappreciated and neglected by the husband, who spent most of his time with his friends. Instead of addressing her unhappiness, he rationalized his behaviour by saying, “I work hard, and I need time with my friends to relax. She is just being needy.” By rationalizing, he avoided taking responsibility for his actions and justified his neglect of his wife. This use of rationalization prevented them from having open communication and their relationship problems went unresolved.

A couple had been together for a year. The boyfriend had a tendency to be controlling and jealous, but he denied these traits and instead accused his girlfriend of being untrustworthy and flirtatious. Whenever she talked to other people, he became suspicious and accused her of cheating.

He was projecting his own insecurities onto her, believing that by doing so, he could avoid confronting his own issues. This projection created tension and mistrust in their relationship, making it difficult for them to connect on a deeper level.

A husband and a wife had been married for ten years. The wife was unhappy in the marriage but refused to acknowledge it. Despite the husband’s neglect and emotional distance, she denied that there were any problems in their relationship. She convinced herself that things would get better eventually and avoided facing the reality of their deteriorating marriage. Her denial prevented her from taking steps to address the issues in their relationship, leading to further discontent and unhappiness.

In each of the above cases, the defense mechanisms of repression, rationalization, projection, and denial impact the dynamics of the relationships and prevent the individuals from addressing their underlying issues.

Recognizing these defense mechanisms is essential for fostering healthier communication, understanding, and intimacy in relationships. Through self-awareness and open dialogue, couples can work together to overcome these defenses and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

While Defense mechanisms are generally helpful, they can become problematic when they’re overused or misapplied. They can also prevent healthier relationships.

How can we overcome them?

Awareness:  It’s important to recognize when a person is using defense mechanisms.  For this one need to pay attention to patterns in your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Being Mindful is one way of doing this.

Challenge Thoughts: Question the validity of your thoughts and beliefs. Are they based on reality, or are they distorted by defense mechanisms?

Develop Coping Skills: Find healthy ways to manage stress and difficult emotions, like establishing healthy boundaries in relationships, taking control of your reactions, taking responsibility for your actions.

 Acceptance: Acknowledge the feelings or situations you’re trying to avoid. It’s okay to feel scared, sad, or angry sometimes.

Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist.  Sharing your feelings with others can provide insight and support.

We are all human beings with our own individual flaws, quirks, foibles and virtues. Once we acknowledge the part of us that we don’t want others to see, the bad and the ugly and accept it for what it is only then we can stop relying on these mechanisms to cope with the painful circumstances and events of our lives.

Blog written by Dr Vinaya Prabha and Dr Himani Upadhyaya

It’s 6 AM, the alarm clock goes off and you go in autopilot mode, you get ready, the spouse gets ready, get the kids ready, breakfast – check, lunch boxes packed, everybody rushes off to their respective destinations, school, office, fighting the traffic, then juggling a whole day of deadlines and coming back home in the evening and still carrying a whole lot of workloads.

The phone won’t stop buzzing, the emails keep coming, the kids keep hankering after you to spend time with them, and there’s a whole load of chores waiting for you and the spouse. At the end of the exhausting day, you sit back and ponder where the entire week flew off. Week after week it’s the same grind and you just can’t seem to get out of it. On top of it, you feel like you are not being appreciated enough at work and you have the additional guilt gnawing at you for not making enough quality time with the family and most importantly “YOU” have been relegated to the last place.

You stew with a mixture of dissatisfaction and guilt and ponder where you are going wrong and why you can’t catch a break. Well, we all have been there and gone through the struggle. It’s the boon and bane of modern life. Work gives us a sense of identity, accomplishment, meaning, and purpose at the same time our quality of life is also determined by our close relationships, social interactions, quality time spent with our close friends and family, and most importantly our “ME” time.

So how do we achieve work-life balance?

The Importance of Balance

As a psychologist, I’ve seen firsthand the negative effects of an imbalance between work and personal life. When work consumes too much of our time and energy, it can lead to burnout, decreased job satisfaction, and strained relationships. On the other hand, neglecting our professional responsibilities in favor of personal pursuits can result in feelings of guilt, anxiety, and a lack of fulfillment.

Understanding Boundaries

One key aspect of achieving work-life balance is setting and maintaining boundaries. This means clearly delineating between work time and personal time, and sticking to those boundaries. For example, turning off email notifications after work hours or setting aside specific times for family and leisure activities can help create a sense of separation between work and personal life.

Managing Priorities

Another important factor in achieving balance is prioritization. As psychologist Abraham Maslow famously said, “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.” By identifying our most important values and priorities, we can make decisions that align with those values and lead to a more balanced life. This might involve reevaluating our career goals, reassessing our commitments, and learning to say no to things that aren’t essential to our well-being.

Mindfulness and Self-Care

Practicing mindfulness and self-care is crucial for maintaining balance in our lives. Mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment and non-judgmentally aware of our thoughts and feelings. By incorporating mindfulness techniques into our daily routine, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, we can reduce stress and increase our ability to cope with the demands of work and personal life.

Self-care is equally important and involves taking deliberate actions to nurture our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This might include getting regular exercise, eating a balanced diet, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that bring us joy and relaxation.

Flexibility and Adaptability

Finally, it’s essential to recognize that achieving work-life balance is an ongoing process that requires flexibility and adaptability. Life is unpredictable, and there will inevitably be times when work demands more of our time or personal issues arise that require our attention. During these times, it’s important to be kind to ourselves and practice self-compassion. Remember, it’s not about achieving perfection but rather finding a sustainable balance that allows us to thrive in all areas of our lives.

In conclusion, achieving work-life balance is essential for our overall well-being and happiness. By understanding the psychology behind balance, setting boundaries, managing priorities, practicing mindfulness and self-care, and remaining flexible and adaptable, we can create a life that is fulfilling, harmonious, and meaningful. do we achieve harmony and maintain our work-life balance?  

Blog written by Dr Vinaya Prabha and Dr Himani Upadhyaya

In our last article we talked about the physiology of emotions but emotions are not just felt in our body. Think back to when you were a child, a giant wheel ride could evoke fear in you or excitement. Your body responded to the same situation or stimuli in the same manner I.e. feeling of butterflies in the stomach, heart rate going up yet you felt scared and your sibling felt excitement.  So what happened in between? How did you arrive at the conclusion of fear or excitement? Enter cognitive appraisal theory, a fascinating framework that sheds light on how our minds evaluate events and generate emotional responses.

What is Cognitive Appraisal?

At its core, cognitive appraisal is the process through which individuals evaluate the personal significance of events and circumstances. Proposed by psychologist Richard Lazarus in the 1960s, this theory suggests that how we perceive and interpret situations greatly influences our emotional reactions. Rather than events themselves directly causing emotions, it’s our appraisal of those events that determines how we feel.

Types of Appraisal:

Cognitive appraisal involves two primary types of evaluations:

1. Primary appraisal
2. Secondary appraisal.

Primary Appraisal:

Involves assessing the relevance of an event to one’s well-being.

Determines whether the event is perceived as positive, negative, or irrelevant.

Secondary Appraisal:

Focuses on evaluating one’s ability to cope with the event and the potential outcomes.

For example, if you receive a promotion at work at the first level you will primarily appraise the situation by being happy, perceiving the positive changes and rewards it will bring. Then at the Secondary appraisal stage you will assess the pros and cons of the situation the added responsibilities  and the impact on your work life balance.

The point I am trying to make here is that for each of our emotional reaction there is a added interpretation made by our cognitive processes and soon it becomes so automatic that it becomes a habitual pattern to react or respond in a certain manner when a situation comes up. This was a positive example.

Imagine the emotions you feel on a regular basis, what situations evoke anger, sadness, fear or joy within you? Can you think of events which are regularly eliciting angry reactions from you? You want to change your reaction or manage it better but are at a loss on how to do it, so how do we do it?

So when we look to change our emotional reactions, we need to become more self – aware at the physical level and then at the thinking or cognitive level to manage or regulate our emotions effectively.  In terms of cognitive appraisal or labeling of emotions we can learn certain techniques to reappraise or reframe the situation to give it a positive interpretation.

Correcting cognitive appraisal involves challenging and modifying the way we interpret events and circumstances to promote more adaptive emotional responses. Here is a popular technique from Cognitive Behavior Therapy to help you cultivate healthier appraisal processes:

Cognitive restructuring

Cognitive restructuring is a therapeutic technique used to challenge and modify unhelpful or negative thought patterns. Let me illustrate how to apply this technique by the following examples:

Asha’s Exam Anxiety

Asha is a class 12 student who experiences severe anxiety before exams. She often catastrophizes about failing and imagines the worst-case scenarios, which makes it difficult for her to concentrate on studying.

Cognitive Restructuring Process:

Identifying Negative Thoughts: Asha begins by identifying her negative thoughts, such as “I’m going to fail this exam,” “I’ll never be able to understand this material,” and “If I fail, my future is ruined.”

Challenging Negative Thoughts: With the help of her therapist, Asha learns to challenge these thoughts by asking herself:

“What evidence supports the idea that I will fail?”

“Have I passed exams in the past despite feeling anxious?”

“Is it realistic to believe that one exam will determine my entire future?”

Replacing Negative Thoughts: Asha works on replacing her negative thoughts with more balanced and realistic alternatives, such as:

“I have studied hard and done well on previous exams.”

“Feeling anxious is normal, but it doesn’t mean I will fail.”

“Even if I don’t perform perfectly, I can learn from this experience and improve in the future.”

Outcome: By challenging and restructuring her negative thoughts, Asha feels more confident and less anxious leading up to exams. She is able to focus on studying effectively and performs better on her exams as a result.

Let’s have a look at another scenario

Ajay’s Social Anxiety

Ajay is a young professional who experiences social anxiety in networking events and social gatherings. He often feels self-conscious and worries about being judged or rejected by others.

Cognitive Restructuring Process:

Identifying Negative Thoughts: Ajay becomes aware of his negative thoughts in social situations, such as “Everyone is judging me,” “I’ll embarrass myself if I say something wrong,” and “No one wants to talk to me.”

Challenging Negative Thoughts: With the guidance of his therapist, Ajay learns to challenge these thoughts by asking himself:

Do I have any evidence that everyone is judging me, or is this just my perception?”

“Have I ever made a mistake in conversation and been rejected as a result?”

“Are there times when people have shown interest in talking to me?”

Replacing Negative Thoughts: Ajay works on replacing his negative thoughts with more realistic and positive alternatives, such as:

“It’s likely that people are focused on themselves rather than judging me.”

“Making mistakes is a normal part of conversation, and it doesn’t define my worth.”

I have valuable insights and experiences to share, and some people will appreciate talking to me.”

Outcome: Through cognitive restructuring, Ajay gradually feels less anxious in social situations. He becomes more comfortable initiating conversations and networking, leading to new connections and opportunities in his personal and professional life.

By incorporating this technique into your daily life, you can gradually shift your cognitive appraisal processes towards more balanced, adaptive interpretations of events, leading to greater emotional well-being and resilience.

Blog written by Dr Vinaya Prabha and Dr Himani Upadhyaya

Have you ever wished you had a magic wand to make your worries disappear or your negative thoughts vanish into thin air? While there might not be a wand for that, there is something just as powerful: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

Often the problems that we face in our lives are because of negative or faulty thought patterns that manifest themselves in our day-to-day behaviours and we are unable to recognize it. Thus, we are trapped in the vicious circle of negative thoughts leading to negative behaviours which again causes negative thoughts. So how do we correct these faulty thought patterns and make life better? The answer lies in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a powerful tool for managing emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. It’s like a superhero cape for your mind!

What is CBT?

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is a form of psychotherapy which emphasizes the importance of thinking and how it affects our emotions and actions. It is based on the idea that our thoughts influence our actions, our moods, our feelings and our emotions.

External things like people, situations, and the environment are not the cause of our problems. Thus, if you correct your way of thinking and make a change in yourself you can cope better with the same people and situations and function better in the same environment.

CBT is a type of therapy that helps you understand the connection between your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Think of it as untangling a knot in your mind. By unraveling the threads of your thoughts, CBT helps you see things more clearly and make positive changes in your life.

How Does CBT Work?

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is one of the shortest forms of therapy available, in terms of time and effective results. An average of 16 sessions or lesser is required depending on the problem.

The whole therapy process is structured and goal-oriented.  The therapist and the client collaborate on the goal of the therapy, and the decision to terminate the therapy when it has been achieved.

What makes it very effective is the fact that each session has a goal which is decided by the therapist and the client. They have to work on the techniques in that session to reach an outcome, and proceed likewise in each subsequent session.

Therefore, in each session the therapist guides the client towards his goal by teaching him alternative or new ways to think and behave to achieve what they want.

CBT works by teaching you to recognize and challenge negative thoughts and beliefs. It’s like having a friendly coach by your side, guiding you through tough moments and helping you build resilience.

For example, let’s say you have a thought like, “I’ll never be good enough”. CBT would encourage you to question that thought and look for evidence to support or challenge it. By doing this, you can replace negative thoughts with more realistic and helpful ones, like “I may not be perfect, but I’m making progress every day.”

CBT also teaches practical skills, like relaxation techniques and problem-solving strategies, to help you cope with stress and difficult situations.

Why is CBT Helpful?

CBT is helpful because it gives you the tools you need to take control of your thoughts and feelings. Instead of feeling like your mind is controlling you, you learn to become the master of your own thoughts.

CBT can be used to treat a wide range of issues, from anxiety and depression to phobias and anger management. It’s like having a Swiss Army knife for your mental health – versatile and effective in many situations.

Often our behaviours and thoughts are learnt, so we need to unlearn the faulty thought patterns and relearn the correct thought and behaviours. The therapist educates and aids in this process. Once the person understands why and how he is doing a particular action the sooner he can change it and learn a new action.

This can be a time-consuming process thus we have a feature unique to Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, known as the Homework to speed it up. At the end of each session the therapist assigns the client to practice the techniques taught in the session and give some additional reading and exercises to be done. This helps in reaching the goal faster.

How Can You Get Started with CBT?

Getting started with CBT is easier than you might think. You can find CBT worksheets and self-help books online, or you can work with a therapist who specializes in CBT. Many therapists offer CBT sessions both in person and online, so you can choose the option that works best for you.

Conclusion:

Empirical evidence has shown this therapy to be effective in problems ranging from Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Stress, Marital problems, Relationships etc. So Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is an effective therapy to solve your problems by yourself, make a change and enhance the quality of your life.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a powerful tool for understanding and changing your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. By learning to challenge negative thoughts and build positive coping skills, you can unlock your mind’s superpowers and live a happier, more fulfilling life. So, why wait? Start your CBT journey today and discover the magic within you!

Blog written by Dr Vinaya Prabha and Dr Himani Upadhyaya

In life, emotions are like the colors of a painting, adding depth and meaning to our experiences. From joy to sadness, fear to excitement, we encounter a range of emotions every day. But have you ever wondered what’s happening inside your body when you feel these emotions?

At the core of our emotional experiences is our brain, specifically the limbic system. This system, which includes structures like the amygdala and hippocampus, regulates and processes our emotions. When something triggers an emotional response, these brain regions send signals throughout our body.

Chemical messengers called neurotransmitters, like serotonin and dopamine, also play a crucial role in regulating our emotions. For instance, serotonin is associated with happiness, while dopamine is linked to pleasure. When these neurotransmitters are released, they can influence our mood.

You’ve probably heard of the “fight or flight” response, our body’s natural reaction to stress or danger. When we perceive a threat, our sympathetic nervous system releases hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, preparing us to confront the danger or flee from it.

Hormones, such as oxytocin, also shape our emotional landscape. Oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” is released during moments of bonding and intimacy, fostering trust and social connection.

With such a complex system at play, how can we navigate our emotions and respond better to life’s challenges? It starts with understanding that emotions are signals, providing valuable information about our needs and experiences. They come and go like the tides, that’s their nature.

Dr. Jill Bolte suggests that the physiological response triggered by an emotion typically lasts for about 90 seconds. However, if we continue to feel the emotion beyond this time, it’s because we’re choosing to keep it alive through our thoughts and reactions.

Research shows that the physiological response to emotions peaks within the first few seconds to a minute, then begins to return to baseline levels within approximately 90 seconds to a few minutes.

But this doesn’t mean we should suppress or ignore our emotions. So how can we handle them and let them flow out of our bodies?

Enter the RAIN technique by Tara Brach, a simple mindfulness tool for managing difficult emotions and cultivating self-compassion:

Recognize: Start by acknowledging the emotion you’re feeling without judgment. Simply identify and name the emotion, like saying, “This is anxiety.”

Allow: Allow yourself to fully experience the emotion without trying to push it away. Create space for it to exist within you and acknowledge the physical sensations and thoughts associated with it.

Investigate: Take a closer look at the emotion with curiosity and compassion. Explore the thoughts, beliefs, and triggers contributing to the emotion. Approach this investigation with openness and a willingness to learn.

Nurture: Finally, offer yourself kindness and compassion in the face of the difficult emotion. Treat yourself with warmth and understanding, just as you would a friend in need.

By practicing the RAIN technique, you can develop greater awareness of your emotions, cultivate self-compassion, and respond to difficult experiences with mindfulness and kindness. It’s a valuable tool for navigating life’s challenges and building emotional resilience.

Blog written by Dr Vinaya Prabha and Dr Himani Upadhyaya

Explore the fascinating world of cognitive illusions and biases in “How Our Minds Play Tricks on Us,” a captivating blog by Dr. Vinaya Prabha.

Picture this, you are house hunting and finally you like a house that you want to buy, the
view is good, all facilities and amenities are available it’s within your budget ,it’s the real
deal and then you overhear a negative comment from someone in the neighborhood about
there not being enough sunlight in a certain portion of the house. Your mind immediately
goes into a dilemma based on a single negative comment. Welcome to the world of
Cognitive Biases! In the labyrinth of the human mind, cognitive biases lurk, subtly
influencing our perceptions, decisions, and behaviors. These mental shortcuts, while are
often helpful in navigating our complex world, can also lead us astray, blinding us to reality
and fostering irrationality. These biases can lead to errors in judgment, perception, and
interpretation of reality, influencing our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors in predictable
ways.
During a job interview, a candidate is asked about their strengths and weaknesses. The
candidate, let’s call her Sarla, vividly recalls a recent project where she successfully led a
team to meet tight deadlines, impressing her previous employer. This experience stands
out prominently in her mind, leading her to emphasize her leadership skills and problemsolving abilities as her greatest strengths. However, Sarah overlooks instances where she
struggled with time management and communication and dismisses them as minor
setbacks.
In this case, Sarla, demonstrates Salience bias by focusing on the most salient and
memorable aspects of her past experiences—the successful project leadership—while
downplaying or ignoring less prominent details, such as her challenges with time
management. This bias can skew her self-assessment and lead to an incomplete or overly
positive portrayal of her abilities during the interview.
Deepak, an experienced stock trader, believes he has a knack for predicting market trends
with precision. Despite warnings from financial experts about the unpredictability of the
stock market, Deepak remains confident in his abilities. He decides to invest a significant
portion of his savings in a speculative stock based on his gut feeling that it will soar in
value.
Deepak’s overconfidence bias leads him to overestimate his knowledge and abilities in
predicting market movements. He disregards the inherent uncertainty and risks associated
with stock trading, placing undue confidence in his speculative instincts. As a result,
Deepak exposes himself to a higher level of financial risk, potentially jeopardizing his
savings due to his unwarranted confidence in his trading abilities.
Pooja, a high school student, receives glowing feedback from her teachers and peers on
her academic achievements and extracurricular activities. However, she becomes fixated
on a single critical comment from her math teacher about a mistake she made on a recent
test. Despite the abundance of positive feedback, Pooja’s mood is significantly affected by
the negative remark, causing her to doubt her abilities and feel demotivated.
Pooja’s response exemplifies negativity bias, wherein negative stimuli have a stronger
impact on her emotions and perceptions compared to positive stimuli. Despite receiving
overwhelmingly positive feedback, she focuses disproportionately on the single negative
comment, allowing it to overshadow her achievements and undermine her selfconfidence. This bias can contribute to feelings of insecurity and self-doubt, despite
objective evidence of success.
Often even in our daily relationships we display these biases, for example in a romantic
relationship we tend to fixate on our partners negative traits and amplify them, forgetting
the good.
We display overconfidence in predicting other people’s thoughts or emotions. When they
react differently from what we had estimated, we wonder about it.
Considering the overwhelming influence of cognitive errors or biases in our lives, there
must be ways to navigate through the complex maze created by them. Yes there is, first we
must understand that these biases serve a purpose. Cognitive biases are not flaws in the
design of the human mind but rather adaptive mechanisms honed by evolution to cope
with the challenges of survival and reproduction.
Imagine you’re out in the wild thousands of years ago, hunting for food like our ancestors
did. Back then, they had to make quick decisions to survive. Let’s say you’re walking
through the forest and you hear a rustling in the bushes. Your brain quickly tells you to
think it might be a dangerous animal, like a predator. This quick thought is a kind of mental
shortcut called a cognitive bias.
Another example is how our brains are wired to quickly notice differences in our
surroundings. Think about being in a dark cave long ago. If you see something moving in the
shadows, your brain might assume it’s a threat, like a predator, even if it’s just a harmless
animal. This bias, called the “negativity bias,” helped our ancestors stay alert and avoid
danger in uncertain environments.
So, these cognitive biases are not mistakes in our thinking. Instead, they’re like built-in
survival tools that helped our ancestors stay safe and make quick decisions in challenging
environments. Even though we don’t hunt for food in the same way anymore, our brains
still use these biases to help us navigate the world around us.
Here are some practical strategies to overcome cognitive biases:
Awareness: The first step in overcoming cognitive biases is to become aware of them. Pay
attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and recognize when biases might be
influencing your decisions or perceptions.
Pause and Reflect: When faced with a decision or judgment, take a moment to pause and
reflect before acting. Consider whether any biases might be at play and how they could be
influencing your thinking.
Seek Diverse Perspectives: Actively seek out diverse perspectives and information,
especially when making important decisions. This can help counteract biases like
confirmation bias, which involves seeking out information that confirms preexisting
beliefs.
Challenge Assumptions: Question your assumptions and beliefs, especially those that
seem automatic or unquestioned. Encourage yourself to consider alternative viewpoints
and possibilities, even if they challenge your initial thoughts.
Practice Mindfulness: Cultivate mindfulness through practices such as meditation and
deep breathing. Mindfulness can help increase awareness of your thoughts and emotions,
allowing you to recognize and address biases more effectively.
Consult Trusted Advisors: Seek input from trusted friends, mentors, or professionals when
making important decisions. They can offer valuable insights and perspectives that may
help counteract biases and provide a more balanced viewpoint.
By incorporating these strategies into your daily life, you can develop greater awareness of
cognitive biases and enhance your ability to make more rational, informed decisions.
Remember that overcoming biases is an ongoing process, and it takes practice and effort
to develop more objective and rational thinking habits

Blog written by Dr Vinaya Prabha and Dr Himani Upadhyaya

Presentations are usually followed by a question answer session. This could be the most interesting part of your presentation as it helps you to clarify the content of your presentation and to interact with your audience meaningfully. However it could be your worst nightmare if you are not able to handle the questions well. Preparation for this session will go a long way in aptly answering the questions .

 Here are the tips for effectively responding to questions, especially the difficult ones:

1. Always remain calm. Avoid getting perturbed or defensive.
2. Be prepared. Think of the possible questions and rehearse the answers even before the presentation session.
3. Lay down the rules in the beginning. Let the audience know what type of questions will be answered at what point of time. Questions that require clarification could be answered during the presentation and those that require additional information could be answered afterwards.
4. Maintain control over the questioning. Limit the number of questions a person can ask. Allow only one person to speak at a time. Give a chance to every member in the audience to ask questions
5. Listen to the entire question, understand it, re-phrase and repeat it to the audience if necessary before you answer the question.
6. Answer the question by focusing your attention on the questionner for one-fourth of the time and on the audience the rest of the time.
7. If, you do not know the answer, be honest. However you can offer to find out the answer or suggest the source from which the person could get it. Don’t apologize for not knowing the answer.
8. To answer a person who heckles you with provocative or disruptive statements – do not repeat what has been put to you unless the question or statement is to your benefit. Review the statement looking for the underlying motive. Use your analysis of the statement, to rephrase it as a question so that the content is no longer antagonistic to your own position.
9. If you think a heckler is trying to be merely disruptive through his question, remain calm and ask him what his answer would be. Once he has had his say or you find the rest of the audience getting restless, close with a polite “I will have to give a chance to others to ask their questions” and move to the next question.
10. 9.With a person who is trying to show off or deliberately trap you into a mistake, again wait till the statement or question is complete, re-frame the phrase asking whether you have understood it right and answer only if you are sure of the facts. If not, you can say something like “That is an interesting idea. I’ll have to look into it when we take a break”.
11. The best way to deal with absolutes like “Everyone knows that” and “It’s quite obvious that” is to be calm and ask for validation of the statement.
12. When a person strongly disagrees with you and refuses to stop arguing a point with you, you could respond, “Thank you for your opinion, I accept that there are different viewpoints on this issue.” Insist that time constraints mean that you must move to the next question.
13. If a person is rude or provokes you with a contentious question, calm yourself and then answer the question to the best of your ability. Ignore the personal, embarrassing comments and questions.
14. Even if the audience is not in agreement with your answer but you are sure of your facts, stand your ground in a reasonable manner. If you are wrong have the humility to accept it.
15. Although some people get a perverse pleasure from putting others on the wrong foot, and some try to look smart in front of the boss, most people ask questions from a genuine interest. Questions do not always mean you did not explain the topic well , but that the audience interest is deeper than that of the average audience.

The key to an effective conclusion to a presentation is to speak with conviction and answer with confidence.

Dr Vinaya Prabha V Baligar

So you have decided that you need counseling and want to seek help?  Are you unsure about whom to approach? Many individuals face this dilemma. The fact that so many professionals exist only complicates the matter. So how do you choose the right therapist? And what is the difference between a professional counsellors and a non- professional counsellors. This article answers these questions.

 A professional counselor may be a psychologist, psychiatrist or a psychotherapist.

 A Psychologist is one who possesses a degree in psychology and is trained in human behavior. Psychologists who are trained in therapy are called psychotherapists; they can either be clinical psychologists or counseling psychologists. They are trained in psychological theory and assessment. They are trained in different methods of therapy and use the methods of their therapeutic orientation to counsel and assist the counselees. They also have the advantage of supervised experience in their therapeutic field of orientation. Psychotherapists may use psychological tests to assess their counselees.  

A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who specializes in diagnosis, treatment and prevention of mental disorders. A psychiatrist prescribes medicines as well as gives therapy to a patient.

Now, to answer the question as to why you should seek the services of a professional therapist. The professional is trained in the scientific therapeutic methods. They have the advantage of supervised experience in their therapeutic field .The validity and effectiveness of these methods has been proven by research over the years across many countries, cultures and social systems.  They are trained to be non-judgmental and non-biased. All information given to them by the counselee is kept confidential. Professionals do not give advice. On the other hand they act as facilitators in helping counselees with their problems

A non-professional counselor can be a lay person like a relative or a friend. They could also be volunteers, social and community workers. They may not have a degree in psychology. A non-professional counselor can be a good listener with basic counseling skills who is interested in helping you out with your problems. They may have a certificate in counseling, giving them knowledge and basic skills in counseling theory and methods. They may not have supervised training in therapy.

So, next time you decide to go for counseling, keep the above points in mind and then make your choice about whom to consult.