How the Mind Protects Itself: Understanding Defense Mechanisms

Defense mechanisms are like shields our minds use to protect us from uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, or situations.

Navigating day to day life with its umpteen twists and turns can really take us for a ride. We all use certain crutches to get through these challenges. Not convinced? Let me narrate some situations and see for yourself which ones you can relate to.

A 35-year-old man while he was in his teens, started smoking with his friends. Over the years, he became a heavy smoker. Despite repeated attempts to quit and health warnings he did not stop smoking. He also became angry whenever someone brought up the dangers of smoking. He repressed his feelings about the harmful effects of smoking. He also mocked anti-smoking campaigns and projected his insecurities onto others by believing that they wanted to control his lifestyle.

In another situation a 28-year-old woman, had been smoking since college. Despite knowing the health risks, she rationalized her smoking habit by telling herself, “I only smoke socially. It’s not like I’m a heavy smoker.” She developed health issues due to smoking but denied that smoking was the cause. This allowed her to deny reality and the feeling of guilt towards her health.

The trigger being the same(smoking) both the individuals in the above two situations reacted in a different way.  The coping strategies used by them are known as Defense mechanisms.  First given by Sigmund Freud, Defense mechanisms are like shields our minds use to protect us from uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, or situations.

They operate from the subconscious helping us cope with stress, anxiety, and threats to our self-esteem. That’s why we are not conscious of using these strategies to cope with unpleasant situations.   The Defense mechanisms used by the individuals quoted above are:

Repression: Pushing traumatic memories out of our conscious mind.

Rationalization: Making excuses to protect our self-esteem.

Projection: Blaming others for our own shortcomings.

Denial: Refusing to accept painful realities.

By employing these mechanisms, we can function more effectively in our daily lives, and maintain our mental well-being.

Let’s have a look at how these defense mechanisms operate in our relationships and how they impact them. Here are a few examples:

A husband and wife have been in a relationship for several years. Early in their relationship, the husband cheated on the wife, causing her immense pain. She forgave him, but deep down, she repressed the hurt and betrayal she felt. She avoided thinking about the infidelity and convinced herself that everything was fine in their relationship.

However, whenever similar situations arose, she would experience intense anxiety and distrust without understanding why. Her repressed feelings from the past influenced her present behaviour and strained their relationship without her realizing it.

In another scenario, a couple had been arguing a lot in recent times. The wife felt unappreciated and neglected by the husband, who spent most of his time with his friends. Instead of addressing her unhappiness, he rationalized his behaviour by saying, “I work hard, and I need time with my friends to relax. She is just being needy.” By rationalizing, he avoided taking responsibility for his actions and justified his neglect of his wife. This use of rationalization prevented them from having open communication and their relationship problems went unresolved.

A couple had been together for a year. The boyfriend had a tendency to be controlling and jealous, but he denied these traits and instead accused his girlfriend of being untrustworthy and flirtatious. Whenever she talked to other people, he became suspicious and accused her of cheating.

He was projecting his own insecurities onto her, believing that by doing so, he could avoid confronting his own issues. This projection created tension and mistrust in their relationship, making it difficult for them to connect on a deeper level.

A husband and a wife had been married for ten years. The wife was unhappy in the marriage but refused to acknowledge it. Despite the husband’s neglect and emotional distance, she denied that there were any problems in their relationship. She convinced herself that things would get better eventually and avoided facing the reality of their deteriorating marriage. Her denial prevented her from taking steps to address the issues in their relationship, leading to further discontent and unhappiness.

In each of the above cases, the defense mechanisms of repression, rationalization, projection, and denial impact the dynamics of the relationships and prevent the individuals from addressing their underlying issues.

Recognizing these defense mechanisms is essential for fostering healthier communication, understanding, and intimacy in relationships. Through self-awareness and open dialogue, couples can work together to overcome these defenses and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

While Defense mechanisms are generally helpful, they can become problematic when they’re overused or misapplied. They can also prevent healthier relationships.

How can we overcome them?

Awareness:  It’s important to recognize when a person is using defense mechanisms.  For this one need to pay attention to patterns in your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Being Mindful is one way of doing this.

Challenge Thoughts: Question the validity of your thoughts and beliefs. Are they based on reality, or are they distorted by defense mechanisms?

Develop Coping Skills: Find healthy ways to manage stress and difficult emotions, like establishing healthy boundaries in relationships, taking control of your reactions, taking responsibility for your actions.

 Acceptance: Acknowledge the feelings or situations you’re trying to avoid. It’s okay to feel scared, sad, or angry sometimes.

Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist.  Sharing your feelings with others can provide insight and support.

We are all human beings with our own individual flaws, quirks, foibles and virtues. Once we acknowledge the part of us that we don’t want others to see, the bad and the ugly and accept it for what it is only then we can stop relying on these mechanisms to cope with the painful circumstances and events of our lives.

Blog written by Dr Vinaya Prabha and Dr Himani Upadhyaya